I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.

Just for a second.


Recently when dicussing a Disney themed night out with my housemates, it was suggested that along with some friends, we went as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I was thinking I'd go as Dopey or Sleepy, both of which I feel sum me up quite well. However, my housemates unaminously decided that I should in fact be Grumpy. 'Rach, you are the grumpiest person ever.' they told me. Yes, I may be Grumpy and short tempered, but I am also extremely good at faking my own happiness. I smile, I laugh and I joke and pretend that I'm happy.

 It got me thinking. Why do we feel the need to cover up how we are truly feeling? Why do we constantly need to have this self preservation driving force to our lives? It's as if we feel that if we let somebody close, if we trust that person with our true feelings,then we are exposing ourselves as a fake, a phoney. How is this the case, when really we are presenting a fake account of our own lives when we cannot be honest with how we are feeling to the people who love and care about us most.

 As modern humans we lie, we cheat, we gossip and accuse. We work through our tangled lives by pretending and believing lies, but when we realise we've been lied to, hypocritically, we become upset and angry. Yet most of us lie once a day, when we're asked the seemingly ephemeral question of 'Are you okay?' We never choose to say, 'Actually, no, I'm not okay' Instead we choose to hide our feelings and keep them to ourselves, as if our feelings of bitterness, sadness, anger or desperation may be toxic for someone we confide in. Our true feelings are secrets, preserved and kept hidden for ourselves, a selfish act which we convince ourselves that we commit for the good of everybody else.Perhaps it's time to be honest not only with the people around us, but with ourselves.

Take a deep breath, stop hiding and say it. 'I'm not okay. I could use a little help.' Funnily enough, the person you say it too, may just turn around and say, 'You know what? Me too.'

Today Was a Fairytale

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one. Peyton Sawyer- One Tree Hill

I'm the first to admit that I am cynical about love. I blame Disney and One Tree Hill on my inability to feel that there is any relationship close to what I see on the big screen. Yes, i am embarassed to admit it, but I used to have the BIGGEST crushes on Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid and Aladdin. I am fully aware of the fact that they animated, and therefore not plausible for a relationship, but the thing about them that was so endearing, was the intensity of their relationship and feelings.

Valentines Day is a prime example of my cynicism. Why should there be one day a year where you express how you feel? Surely if you like/love someone, they should know everyday? I mean, I guess it's special, you get to go for a meal or go on an exciting date. For me, Valentines Day should be a Chinese in bed with a best friend, a boyfriend or your mum. Why should Valentines Day be dedicated to purely romantic love? My best friends and family are the people I love most. They are the people that push me to be better, to strive to be the best version of myself and who inspire me.

Dont get me wrong, I'd love to have a movie like relationship. Give me Jake Gyllenhaal, Zac Efron, Rob Pattinson, anyday and I'd play the perfect girlfriend. But that's so far from the truth, no relationship is perfect. I also feel like I only date people if I feel like it could go somewhere, whats the point otherwise? I know its shallow, but I have a checklist. A boy who can sing/play piano/guitar, someone who can make me laugh when I'm in a mood (it's difficult..trust me) and a boy who has manners, you dont have to fit the bill exactly, if you claim one of those attributes i'm a fan.

As the great Marilyn Monroe said ' "I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.'

So until, Zac Efron or the perfect man from above asks me out... my only romance is with my friends, and myself. Oh..and the chinese in bed of course.

Dear Younger Self

Dear Younger Self,

It's you, well your 21 year old self from the future and I wish to implore some valuable knowledge onto you. Take my advice, who knows, things may turn out differently.

The girl who pretends to be your best friend from the age of 11, at 17 will have sex with your boyfriend of 2 and a half years for 6 months. Forgive her earlier than 20 years old. She went through a lot with him. So did you.

At 20 years old, you will not be over the above boyfriend. At 21,  after a long hard look at the past you will be.

The teacher who inspired you most will end up becoming one of your best friends. On Christmas Eve 2010 his wife will ask you to be a godmother to their first born child.  You WILL cry.

Those girls that called you fat//ugly/twat , blocked your way through corridors,spread rumours about you, and made you ask to leave 6th form will later apologise. Accept it and move on, they clearly had an awful self esteem themselves.

At 14 years old. you will cut your waist length hair to your shoulders. DON'T do it. You will look like an idiot, and everyone will exclaim 'WHAT have you done to your hair?'

At 16 when you tell your mum you're dying your hair white blonde, relax, take a breath and dont do it. You will look like an idiot and have horrific roots. You will learn to love being ginge.


Your History A level teacher will tell you you will get a C. Don't hate her, but still make her teaching you a misery. You win because you get to see her face on results day when you only dropped 15 marks over 2 years and you got an A.

Your male best friend will tell you he loves you. You tell him you don't feel the same. You do. Don't wait for the day before he leaves for University to tell him. You will lose him. Say I love you too back. Straight away.
Otherwise it will become your single biggest regret in life.


On your 21st birthday you will get horribly drunk and almost vomit over everyone when you have to get a 9am train to Cardiff the next day. Drink sensibly.

Similarly, those four 9% cans of cider and then a whole jug of snakebite to yourself  on a cheerleading isn't a good idea. At 21, you should probably be able to handle your drink.

Take more photos of people who are special to you. Your grandfather will have a brain haemorraghe and almost die. He makes a full recovery, but it scares you to death. Your grandmother isn't so lucky, she dies just after Christmas of 2010 and your world collapses as you feel like you could have done more. You couldnt. She knew you loved her.

Don't blame yourself for everything- There are things in the world above your control. You can't change/solve everything, so don't have a breakdown when you find yourself helpless. Ask for help.

Take a chance on everything.