I woke up today feeling a ridiculous amount of self pity and loathing for the word. So I thought I'd spend half hour complaining.

Here are some of the things that are wrong with the world.


We spend billions on useless space expeditions when there are millions of people across the globe without access to education, medical care or sanitation. The fact that Ben and Jerry's has about a million calories per teaspoon, everything that tastes nice invariably ends with me putting on weight.  One Tree Hill is ending after 9 seasons, what else am I meant to cry to now? Children with shitty ass parents- no, a packet of crisps is not a viable breakfast choice. Having to dye my eyebrows in order for them to even exist on my face. People who you are always there for, but they never repay the favour when you whisper, I could do with a little help right now. Maddie from Hollyoaks. The price of Kurt Geiger shoes,I don't want to pay a third of my wage for a pair of beautiful shoes thank you. The cost of fruit and veg, if you don't want an obese nation, lower the costs, idiots. Costa don't do deliveries. I miss people I shouldn't. Celebrity Big Brother. Beliebers trending shit like 'my body is ready for Justin' or 'Justin makes us wet', you probably haven't even got pubes yet, I didn't join twitter to projectile vomit everytime I look at the TT's. Nobody has invented a tablet that immediately gets rid of the pink in your white underwear when you throw in a red towel accidently. Gabriella from Made in Chelsea, and especially her Pro Activ advert, so.much.jaw. it's like she swallowed a car and it got stuck. People who feel it's acceptable to start talking to you in the line for the cinema/tescos. 14 year olds in love, um, sorry to break it to you, you'll have sex and break up, it's life, he's not your forever. Pick and Mix also don't offer a delivery service., not acceptable when you're craving foamy banana's at 8pm on a Sunday and the shops are shut. People living too far away. Harry Styles isn't my boyfriend. Expectations. Nutella. People with no morals. Bad stuff happening to the most wonderful people. Kindles. BOOKS ARE MEANT TO BE WELL THUMBED AND SMELL NICE, not read on a bloody virtual device. People who turn up late and ruin plans through being inconsiderate. Londoner's who aren't excited about the Olympics this year, you'll never see it here again in your lifetime, so shut the hell up and enjoy it, it exposes the majesty in everyone, dreams come true through sport. The scum on Jeremy Kyle. Being left behind.

Heartbreak.

But all i ever wanted was your heart

apparently i ruin my life when I drink. I feel it's appropriate and okay to be a complete dick.

this is why i'm giving up drinking.

Bye Bye Wine, You've been an amazing companion over the years, but we've outgrown each other. We need some time apart.

x

Lighter and the Liar

Oh maybe someday I will be something more,
Real with arms and legs so I can walk away and stay away forever and some more
Some more.

I'll stick around to watch this town fall down to it's knees,
You can pray the day that you hope is coming round real soon.
I will run and stay away in a place that I don't know well of,
You can chose a different song that you will soon love.

Well here are the reasons that hurt me the most.
Call off the search I'm coming home,
People lie once, but not on the third,
Not without reason, not for a girl.
The names will vary, the names they may change,
But the game, the game it stays the same, Oh love, we want the ones that we will grow to hate, to hate.



This song literally defines me at the moment. 

You, make me love the things I hate.

You would think, that at the grand old age of 22, that I would understand what it means and entails to be an adult I claim to be a grown up. I have a proper job, I do my own washing and I went to the hospital to get the news I needed surgery by myself. I lived without my parents for 3 years at uni, so it would be perfectly reasonable to assume that I am mature and have life sussed. I don't. Quite the contrary.

Selfishly, my parents abandoned me and jetted off to Antigua for the Easter holidays, and left me home alone for a week. I realized this was a mistake 24 hours in, when having been away for 3 days in Wales prior to their departure, I had nobody to pick me up from the train station after a 4 and a half- hour journey. Instead, I made friends with a taxi driver called Preeash who wanted to know my whole life story. He also knows where I live. I'm expecting to get a call from the bank telling me of identity theft any-day now.

I just about managed to cook for myself for the week, (mumma had generously stocked the fridge) and when the girls came down we ate at Nandos, and got  pizza. Healthy, no, practical, yes. However, it got to Wednesday, and I had run out of fruit, and I couldn't get to Tesco's because I'm still on crutches.Resorted to getting my vitamin C in the form of a multivitamin.

The worst bit? Taking out the bins. Yes, I'm spoilt. My parents don't make me do chores. So I was genuinely flummoxed by the two recycling bins, food bin, and food waste bin. I had NO.BLOODY.IDEA. So, what would an adult do? I rung my 28 year old brother whilst he was at work, and inquired as to what I needed to do. Shameful.

I've also discovered that I don't get any cooler in terms of relationships. I just think I do, but really I'm still fourteen years old. The boy who has etched a smile on my face recently is someone  who basically gives me a heart attack when I see him, and butterflies when he texts. However, in some ways I'm like a child in a toy shop, wanting something I can't have. Not the most adult approach to relationships.

So really, this week has taught me that I'm literally the world's worst adult. A girl who I think of as my little sister, has just left her small town, and moved to London by herself, to pursue something she loves. She's utterly fearless. I get aggy sleeping in my house alone in case there's a murderer lurking under my stairs. I rely far too much on the love, attention, taxi services and acceptance of others.

Maybe I need to grow up a bit. Or a lot.