I kiss your lips and taste everyone you've had tonight

I LOVE Boris Johnson, I really do. I love his hair, how he claims Ping Pong is called Whiff Whaff and it originated in the UK and how he generally bumbles about his life. His election appeals were nothing short of comedic genius, and he appeared to literally not give a shit because he knew everyone loved him. Me and my friend Vicky got discussing what rules we'd make if we were London Mayor...To be fair some of these are Vicky's but they are necessary additions.

Free concerts Trafalgar Sq, with decent acts and upcoming artists. Relationship advice on the  National curriculum. Lower the prices of Topshop. Every person get's one free Nando's per month. Good personal hygiene or you can move to Liverpool with the other dirty scum. Decrease prices on all public transport. once a month there would be a three day weekend, no Mondays. Pitbull and Flo Rida pay $1million everytime they have a new song out which will guaranteed to be shit and overplayed, sorting the economic crisis out. Urban Outfitters would have to supply my wardrobe every month. Football/Rugby shirts can never be worn in public. The News must only report positive stories every Monday- start of the week is already depressing as it is. People who wear 3/4 length leggings are shot. Get every school to work alongside a specialist school for Special Educational Needs. Men must wear a suit on the last Friday of the month. June Bank Hol massive street party on Southbank, celebrity chefs MUST give up their time to run stalls. Cath Kidston and Erdem w would have to collaborate and decorate my office. the Olympic Stadium would be used for underprivileged schools  for their Sports Days for those who don't have fields, with specialist coaches. Gabriella from Made in Chelsea would be permanently silenced by being forced to listen to her own music which will both render her deaf and unable to speak with the torture. Also I'd shave her head. Every Office to get a delivery of Starbucks and Millie's Cookies on a Friday.


I'll be running for Mayor in 2015...x