Riot

So, after  my last post about mistakes, it made me realise something :

 I am good at giving advice, but absolutely horrendous at taking it.

 I like to think I give good advice, I try to tell people to make choices which will make their lives a little better or easier. I tell my friends to stay away from boys/girls who aren't good for them, to take jobs which involve moving away, and to drink wine and eat copious amounts of Ben and Jerry's to nurse a breakup. I'd hop on a train to Cardiff, Manchester or Paris, if someone needed me, because in reality, I like the fact people feel like they can talk to me. It's not that I like feeling needed, it comes down to the fact that I like feeling like I've helped someone, made a difference, let them breathe for a second and reassess.

But when it comes to my own life? Nope. Not a chance. People can tell me what they want, I'll know they're right, and yet I won't listen. Well, I'll pretend to, might even believe I have, then go and do the complete opposite just because I'm stubborn. I dismiss wise words on the basis of my own inability to show insecurity, feeling like if i take it, it shows someone that I need them to make my life decisions for me, like I'm incapable of being in control.  I'm well aware of all of this, trust me, I know my faults better than anyone, I live with them everyday. It's like a CD that's scratched and keeps  splitting, stuttering ,staggering, you know it's broken, and needs replacing, but you'll still put it on because you don't want to fix it, because you like the way it is. I don't like tragedy, I don't revel in misery but for now I'm too wrapped up in myself to listen to anyone else. I'm completely responsible for my own actions, I have nobody to blame but myself, and I like that, I need that because it doesn't allow me to drag anyone else down with me.

I don't want anybody to sink, so maybe one of these days I'll take the life float that's chucked my way.