Here is me being selfish. This is my bucket list. It's not complete, but here it goes. Credit to my beautiful friend Vicky for encouraging me to blatently steal her idea.
I want to get married and have four kids at a relatively young age, because I want as much time with them as my time on Earth allows. I want my children to talk to me about anything, and never feel unloved, unwanted or uninspired.I want them to see their parents as their best friends but also as untouchable and strong, like nothing could stand in their way. I want to pass down my jewelry to them so they have something to remember me by, whether it be my charm bracelets, Pat Butcher earrings or rings. I want to keep a box of letters my first love wrote me, so I can show my children that at sixteen you're not too young to be in love, whatever anyone says,. I want to live abroad for a year, immerse myself in their way of life, their culture and the energy of a new place. I want to be fully fluent in Spanish and sign language so I can always ask for a vodka in three languages, so that I always have a back up plan. I want to volunteer in an orphange or school in Thailand or Africa to change a child's life and see their face light up when they realise they can strive to be more. I want to be able to eat with chopsticks, so I don't look like an idiot when I have to use a knife and fork. I want a walk in wardrobe, and a colour coded shoe cupboard so I feel like I'm in Topshop in my own home. I want to read every work of Shakespeare so I can keep faith and fully understand the human capacity for hate, envy, jealousy, inadequacy, fear, desparation, compassion, empathy and love which has no limits. I want to skydive, so I can feel like I'm going to fall forever, and feel the relief when the parachute is freed. I want to be on a jury which helps convict somebody who deserves to die behind bars. I want to learn to play my guitar, so that one day i can play around a campfire under the stars. I want to run a marathon just because I was told by my surgeon I would never be able to, following my operation. I want to be a teacher so that I can save a life, help a child who is struggling to fit in, to find themselves, and if I'm as half as good at my job as my parents are, that will be a bonus. I want to be able to pull of an Agyness Deyn haircut, or at least have the balls to get it cut in the first place. I want to start saving at least one hundred pounds of my wages every month and put it into savings. I want to be able to eat alphabetti spaghetti and play Countdown with the letters without fearing someone watching and laughing. I want to get a tattoo of something meaningful, so that whenever I look at it it reminds me why I chose it in the first place. I want to pass my driving test so I can go on roadtrips, singing cringey songs on the radio with my favourite girls. I want to be able to wear heels without feeling like a rugby player called Steve in drag. I want to be the best version of myself, because I owe it not only to others, but to myself, I owe it to myself to fulfil my potential and chase my dreams, not the competition.
Most of all, I want this. I want to make a difference, love, and be loved in return.
I want to believe in it all.
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