SUMMER WISHLIST

I often fantasize about winning the lottery, because at the moment there is SO much stuff I want to buy, but having the need to do this thing called 'live', my love affair with these items has to be limited to looking at pretty pictures of them.

Take this Mary Katrantzou dress for her Topshop collection. Teamed with a pair of bright yellow square toed suede platforms, and an Erdem esque french twisted braid, I would be willing to eat Tesco noodles for as month. Would probs help me fit in it as well.


I love all the aztec prints around at the moment, and this skirt from Asos is perfect for summer, worn with a slouchy white vest and some studded gladiator sandals. SIGH

Usually the only ice-cream I'm a fan of is Ben and Jerry's but, for spring, I'm completely lusting after all the pastel colours that are rocking around at the moment, perfect ice cream shades with enough colour to make me look normal, instead of deathly pale.It's got a distinct 50's feel and I want it ALL.



Missoni's hair in Milan fashion week



Ok thanks. someone tell me the lottery numbers this week. <3

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness.

I have an obsession love affair with the Brit Awards. It started in the year where Geri Halliwell wore that Union Jack dress, and unconciously gave a lanky, freckly and unfortunate looking ginger child someone to identify with. This year, I was tucked up in bed, perving on One Direction, and Olly Murs whilst running live commentary on BBM at my disgust at Bruno Mars winning Best International Male over Bon Iver.

This is why I love the Brits. It's not just because it gives gingers a chance in life to cement their place in society (Ed Sheeran is my hero) but because it reminds me of the greatness people have inside them. Sure, they have management teams, assistants,  and stylists, they have their hair and makeup done, and dressing rooms full of puppies and lillies but really, they're the same as you and me; we all put our pants on the same way in the morning.  

It is no secret that I, like everybody else on the bloody planet, have a crush on Adele, yes I often complain about 'mainstream' music,  but there is something so obtainable and relatable about her. She grew up in Tottenham, is a role model for women everywhere, and writes honest lyrics about heartbreak and triumph. She wasn't born out of Xfactor, she didn't, or pretend to, sleep with a footballer in order to achieve success. She was herself.


'I make music for the ears, not for the eyes' Adele

There is something so truthful about the way she writes and performs, that everytime I see her live whether it be on youtube or The Brits, it feels as though she's singing the song for the very first time. It feels like her heart is going to burst through her chest, because it's the only way she can deliver the song in the way in which it was meant to be heard.
Real music should make everyone feel like that, like they have nothing to fear, and everything to conquer.

It's the same with sports. I watched Coach Carter this afternoon, a true and perfect story about overcoming adversity to release the thing inside you which makes you great, because that greatness is inside you. You can always be greater than you imagine, because by fulfilling your potential, striving for better, and dreaming a little bigger, you motivate not only yourself, but others to be the best they can be. The human condition is a funny thing, people commit despicable crimes, they murder, they rape, they steal and cause gbh. Yet in the same species we die for people we love, we bring children into the world and run 26 miles  to raise money for people who need help.  All different races, all colours under the sun, men, women, children, pensioners, we are all part something the same, the human race. Everybody has something inside them, that could change them if they could only channel and release it. Call it what you want, a calling, fate or faith.


I think it's amazing to get recognition when it's deserved, whether it's a Brit Award or a hug from someone you were there for. It could be through music like Adele, sport, like Coach Ken Carter or by being generous with your time to someone who needs it,  as Emerson said 'To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...this is to have succeeded'

Amen.

<3

These streets will make you feel brand new

New York has long been hailed as this magical place where dreams come true, a place where the word impossible is two letters too long.  The shining lights on Broadway, the happy ever after in films such as The Devil Wears Prada, or How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Everything seems brighter and more obtainable. 

People move to the big apple to fall in love, to find their perfect job, and so their lives can attempt to reflect something out of Friends or Sex and The City. Beautiful people with a sense of direction, the hopes of these individuals reflected in the skyline, towering above the tiny ants that dot the streets of Manhatten below, they move silently in a city which Jay Z famously penned as the concrete jungle. I'm not going to lie I would love to end up sharing a flat with Joey and Chandler, having Carrie Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda as my best friends, and falling in love with Matthew McConaughy whilst writing for Vogue, so can somebody please make that happen? Thaaaanks.

Step into Times Square, and you will find a million people looking for the same thing; purpose. From Saturday I'll be one of them. A week spent drinking Starbucks in Central Park standing on the infamous bridge, at  the top of the Empire State Building staring out at the possibilities below and  paying my respects at Ground Zero. 

If I happen to bump into Zac Efron and we fall in love, well that would be a bonus.

I. can't. bloody. wait.

"The lights will inspire you... One hand in the air for the big city, Street lights, big dreams all looking pretty, no place in the World that can compare"

I want to be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.

I should have known today was going to be awful when at 9.38am I was in floods of tears crying at One Tree Hill. In my defence, it was a particularly emotional episode but it certainly set the precedent for the rest of the day.  This was not helped when I was sat in Kurt Gieger, wearing ripped converse, winter print leggings, bed hair and smudgy makeup, with the shop assistants glaring at me like I was something unimaginable which they had stepped their Carvella shoes in.

I have never been made more aware of those little things that really irritate me, however ridiculous. 

Bear in mind that this list is far from complete.

1. there is a distinct lack of ginger specific shampoos

2. No spoons fit Petit Filous 

3. People who sit next to you on an empty train

4. Crisps/chocolate over packaging, DID I PAY FOR A BAG OF AIR?

5. douchebags who don't say thank you when you hold a door/ allow them to pass. Manner's cost nothing.

6.Trending topics on twitter over 'Beliebers' or 'Directioners' I don't care if 'Bieber has swag' or 1D have got that One Thing' 

7. People who 'share' their photos on facebook

8. the words, Bruh, ting, and peng. Just no

9.People who text you first, read your message, and don't reply. what on earth was the point?!

10. mothers who can't control their children.

11. 'i love my boyfriend sooo muuuuccchh' status's. I actually did a little sick in my mouth.

12. People who tell me to eat my vegetables. I'm 22 and I don't like peas, why is this an issue!?

13. '3 sugars in your tea, aren't you sweet enough' 

14. when i'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

15. men. 

BLEURGH.

Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” ― Candace Bushnell, 

Sex and the City. 

I've said it before, and I will say it again. I cannot live with men, I cannot live without them. They literally drive me insane; from the moaning about how often I want to watch 90210, to the despair at my purchases of another pair of shoes, I cannot STAND them. I hate the way they leave the toilet seat up, the way they rev their engines on purpose and when they complain about needing a shave when really they just thought their stubble made them look more attractive than they really are. 

I also hate the way they lie. My personal favourite is when they say. ' I didn't want to hurt you'  that one really makes me laugh.  Other diamonds include 'I thought you knew that already' 'I don't even know that girl' ' No,  I didn't steal your moisturizer/straighteners/tenner on the side'  The best one however, is when they say nothing at all.

With girls, you know exactly what you're going to get. We get moody for a 5 days a month, we like pretty things, Jake Gyllenhaal and chocolate. We are simple. We will complain about needing to go to the gym, but like for you to say ' of course you don't, you look beautiful the way you are'  We will always want to go shopping, we will always feel better with a tan, and we will always need another red nail varnish. If we say 'I'm fine'  it's pretty obvious we're anything but. If we get changed about fifty times before a night out it's because we feel fat. We go to the bathroom in pairs or groups because it gives us a chance to multitask- peeing and bitching/talking about boys. 

So this thought suddenly struck me. My friends have a sixth sense when it comes knowing what to say. They'll tell me when I'm wrong, and they can make me laugh until I can't breathe. They always have my back, don't spread rumours and text me if they hear a song that they think I'd like, or when Topshop is having a mid season sale. They love me for my faults and through my mistakes, to which there is a long list. If you're called Vicky you'll also give me a ridiculous amount of abuse, attend gigs and introduce me to Krispy Kremes, to which I am eternally grateful.

Who needs men when you have the girls? I'm basically a non practising lesbian. Proud of it too. 

All i want is the taste your lips allow

Here is me being selfish. This is my bucket list. It's not complete, but here it goes. Credit to my beautiful  friend Vicky for encouraging me to blatently steal her idea.

I want to get married and have four kids at a relatively young age, because I want as much time with them as my time on Earth allows. I want my children to talk to me about anything, and never feel unloved, unwanted or uninspired.I want them to see their parents as their best friends but also as untouchable and strong, like nothing could stand in their way. I want to pass down my jewelry to them so they have something to remember me by, whether it be my charm bracelets, Pat Butcher earrings or rings. I want to keep a box of letters my first love wrote me, so I can show my children that at sixteen you're not too young to be in love, whatever anyone says,.  I want to live abroad for a year, immerse myself in their way of life, their culture and the energy of a new place. I want to be fully fluent in Spanish and sign language so I can always ask for a vodka in three languages, so that I always have a back up plan. I want to volunteer in an orphange or school in Thailand or Africa to change a child's life and see their face light up when they realise they can strive to be more. I want to be able to eat with chopsticks, so I don't look like an idiot when I have to use a knife and fork. I want a walk in wardrobe, and a colour coded shoe cupboard so I feel like I'm in Topshop in my own home. I want to read every work of Shakespeare so I can keep faith and fully understand the human capacity for hate, envy, jealousy, inadequacy, fear, desparation, compassion, empathy and love which has no limits. I want to skydive, so I can feel like I'm going to fall forever, and feel the relief when the parachute is freed. I want to be on a jury which helps convict somebody who deserves to die behind bars. I want to learn to play my guitar, so that one day i can play around a campfire under the stars. I want to run a marathon just because I was told by my surgeon I would never be able to, following my operation.  I want to be a teacher so that I can save a life, help a child who is struggling to fit in, to find themselves, and if I'm as half as good at my job as my parents are, that will be a bonus. I want to be able to pull of an Agyness Deyn haircut, or at least have the balls to get it cut in the first place. I want to start saving at least one hundred pounds of my wages every month and put it into savings. I want to be able to eat alphabetti spaghetti and play Countdown with the letters without fearing someone watching and laughing. I want to get a tattoo of something meaningful, so that whenever I look at it it reminds me why I chose it in the first place. I want to pass my driving test so I can go on roadtrips, singing cringey songs on the radio with my favourite girls. I want to be able to wear heels without feeling like a rugby player called Steve in drag. I want to be the best version of myself, because I owe it not only to others, but to myself, I owe it to myself to fulfil my potential and chase my dreams, not the competition.

Most of all, I want this. I want to make a difference, love, and be loved in return.

I want to believe in it all.

Not lost, just undiscovered.

There comes a time in your life when you often don't feel good enough, that your opinions aren't worthy of being heard, and when you wonder, why your friends even allow themselves to be associated with you.Quite often, I still feel like a teenager trapped in an adult's body, like at 22, I'm not old enough for bills and having to buy my own shampoo, I often wonder if that feeling ever goes away. Personally at 70 I think i'm still going to be watching re-runs of The Inbetweeners, or thinking it's socially acceptable to be going into town for a 'few quiet ones' which inevitiably turn into going '; out, out'.

In Year 11,  my English teacher set us a challenge: we were to each write our name on the top of a piece of paper, and pass them round the class. Everyone was then meant to anonmously write a quality they admired or something they loved about that person down, and then pass the paper on to the next person, and so on and so forth. People in my class, who barely knew each other, all summoned up something incredible to say, something which could really lift a persons mood, and self esteem. And in a way, it was nicer to see what they had to say about me than my closest friends. The ones who didn't know me as well, wrote the things which really i cared about most, because it showed me how other people saw me. These are some of the things written on that piece of paper,


'Serious and opinionated, you stand up for what you believe in'
'Always helping me even when you don't realise it'
'Always listens to me whether you have time or not, someone who makes me feel wanted as a friend'
'very tough and independent'
'sweetheart, really caring'
'very funny- always sticks up for her friends, lovely'

Isn't that amazing?

Even better- they all came from people who I wasn't that close to, who weren't neccessarily in my circle of friends. Humbling doesn't even cover it.

Take a long hard look at yourself. You are so much better than you think you are. You are not inadequate. You are more than you even realise.The people in your life, who you love, are blessed to have you. Remember that.


'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' Coach Carter


Happy New Year.

For those that are still struggling, have a listen of this. 

Open your eyes. Something beautiful is happening.